Can i not drive my cunt home
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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