And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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