The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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