Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
whose parrot is this?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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