guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize