There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
