Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
did i walk over a car last night?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
