He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My penis needs a shock collar
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
