I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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