The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
