in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
