I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
