Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
