omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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