Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize