Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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