i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
