Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
