His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
