Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
3 2 1 whiskey
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize