I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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