I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I could fuck to npr.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
