He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
