Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
