He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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