She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
