he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
