Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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