Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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