I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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