guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
