did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
