She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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