You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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