I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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