before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
