I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
