and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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