so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
