Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
