she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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