South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
They have beer where we have blood.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
