sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
