it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
