Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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