The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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