i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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