So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
