i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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