Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
