I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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