GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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