I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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