I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Randomize
