Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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