I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
