I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
