I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
