you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
