i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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