You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
