i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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