Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
