I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
