I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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