the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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