I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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