True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
