Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize