I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
