Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
