god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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