First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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