Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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