Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm just crazy horny about you
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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